Quotes from Dumbasses
You might remember some of these.  All are in the public domain.

"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Dan Quayle

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -Yogi Berra

"The only safety is in the middle of total misunderstanding and deception." - Henry Rollins

Slacker quote : "Hey.... its good enough for government work"
Author unknown

“For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country.” - Michelle Obama

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." 
- Britney Spears, Dangerous Twit Extra-ordinaire

"There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't."
- Anonymous

"If it wasn't for time, everything would happen all at once."
- Anonymous

"I did not have sexualy relations with that woman - Miss Lewinsky." 
- Bill Clinton 
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
- Dan Quayle 
"Always go to other peoples' funerals, or they won't go to
yours"
-Yogi Berra

"How to store your baby walker:
First, remove baby."
-  Anonymous Manufacturer

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian
paced the sideline with his  hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
-
AP report describing Fresno  State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian



Memorable quotes from

"That '70s Show"

 Kitty Forman: Have you ever baked a pie before? 
Jackie Burkhardt: No, I don't really cook much. I kinda was just hoping to get by on my looks.

 Michael Kelso: The truth is out there, man, it's out there. 
Fez: No more for you.

 [on Kitty's mother-in-law] 
Kitty Forman: Red's mother is coming. 
Midge Pinciotti: What's that pet name she has for you? 
Kitty Forman: Whore.

 Eric: You're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee.
 
Red Forman: That kid's on dope!

 Fez: This suit is for leisure. But many times I wear it to get down to business.
 
Donna: If you keep stuffing your face like this your gonna get... 
Jackie Burkhardt: Don't you dare say it, you bitch! 
Donna: Fat! 

Pastor Dave: Ok, Laurie, let's see what you have. 
Laurie Forman: [Laurie slowly puts three cards down one at a time while smiling and glaring at Dave] 
Pastor Dave: Six... six... six... Oh, well thank you for the wonderful evening! I'll see you at church! 

[referring to Eric's failing grades] 
Fez: Crack a book, you lazy son-of-a-bitch. 

Eric: What happened between you two? 
Fez: Suffice to say that it involved a crowded parking lot, a half off sale and a pair of pants that made my ass look like an oil painting. 
Fenton: If you mean old and cracked, I agree. 
Fez: I'll see you in hell! 
Fenton: I'll be wearing your pants! 

Red Forman: [to Eric] So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges. 
Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence. 
Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get outta here. 

Michael Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macey behind the gym! 
Steven Hyde: Anyone with a quarter? 
Michael Kelso: Me! 
Fez: Damn, and I had a quarter! 

Eric: [on the new water heater] This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one. 
Red Forman: Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch? 
Eric: Because he had a smart mouth? 
Red Forman: That's right.